I heard we made out
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
