I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
