I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
