Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
