do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
