It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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