I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
