I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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