did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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