Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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