the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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