We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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