well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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