she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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