he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
