You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
