if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
