you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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