why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your penis caused this!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
