ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
