I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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