Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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