Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We're too hungover to prance.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
