whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
