I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
