Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
