All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Where is the hickey?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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