Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
