Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
