I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
