I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
