I just cut my nipple shaving
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
