I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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