thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
