who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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