its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
