Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
