nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
