it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
