His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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