wrigley field is MILF paradise
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
