i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
