if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
