Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
