the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
