I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
