Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
