we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
