We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I pour the whiskey from now on
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
