help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I could fuck to npr.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
