I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I supernannyed him into submission
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
