It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
