I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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